Prayer in Parenting...and diaper change in the drive through

Yesterday I changed the diaper of my huge 2 year old son in my lap in the drive through of a Chic-Fil-A. It was pouring rain outside. He poured water from his sippy cup all over his lap. Our car was loaded with luggage from our road trip. This was the Chic-Fil-A in Spartanburg that has no eat-in restaurant--only a drive through.

The point in listing the circumstances: there was really no other place to change him.

So I unbuckled him, told him to climb over Arden's car seat, and come get a new diaper (and new pants) in my lap.

Just so it doesn't seem that I'm completely out of my mind, I should mention that Brad was driving.

I'm not gonna lie. It was awkward.

On to more serious things--prayer in parenting. This week Brad and I were able to attend an amazing conference designed to be a time of refreshment and fellowship for reformed-types in youth ministry. During one of the corporate times of prayer, a friend prayed out loud:

"Lord, forgive me for not praying for my children and just expecting that they would turn out fine."

Reflecting on his prayer caused several threads of thought to come together for me.

One thread: Brad and I have long wondered how NOT to raise "weird" kids in ministry. We have worried because so often children of people in ministry seem to be super-rebellious or super-spiritual (in a condescending, I-can't-have-normal-conversations-because-I'm-so-above-you way). We often ask older couples in ministry--who have raised kids who love the gospel as adults--how do you do it? Why have your kids turned out so well? We have received many helpful and practical answers.

Another thread: Pastor Doug at our previous church preached a 'mini-sermon' before a baptism once that stuck with me. In discussing infant baptism, he explained that the posture of baptizing your baby is the opposite of a baby dedication. In baptism, the tone is "Lord, you have given us this child to raise. We promise to raise him in your ways." In baby dedication, the posture is more "Lord, we dedicate our child to you. We promise to raise him in your ways." The difference is subtle--but profound if you think about it.

{Hear this! : I have several friends who attend baptist churches and have dedicated their children to the Lord. These are faithful, Jesus-loving families--I am not criticizing them!! I respect and love these families. This is a point of difference, that's all.}

Yet another thread: A book I've been reading on and off again lately, The Praying Life by Paul Miller. (I read fiction voraciously, but nonfiction is spotty for me.) The book has many, many good, convicting, helpful points--but one little quote has stuck with me. Miller says, "I do my best parenting by prayer."

Still one more thread: A friend was quite honest on her blog this week about her doubts concerning prayer. This is a godly girl who loves the Lord--but, she said, she always finds herself thinking...if God is in control, isn't he going to do what he wants anyway? When I pray for something and it happens, wouldn't it have happened anyway? I applaud her honesty--I think we all struggle with these thoughts, but fear being thought immature Christians if we admit them.

So when our pastor-friend prayed this prayer regarding his children, all these threads sort of surfaced in my mind, and I found myself with an answer I've been asking for years (long before we even had children).

How do we raise children who love Jesus?

BY ASKING THE LORD.

If he holds our family in the palm of his hand, if he is sovereign over all things, if he has entrusted these lives to us, if he has set up prayer as a way to teach us his faithfulness...then prayer is the answer. If I believe my children have been given to me by him, then only he can mold and change their hearts.

In a way, these thoughts are so freeing to me. I have power to love my children, to teach them, to help them...but not control them. Their hearts are in the hands of the Lord. Their lives do not depend on how many catechism questions they know, how many hours are spent in church, or even how "good" a Christian I am (what does that even mean?). Yes--these things are influential, and yes, we hope to do them--but ultimately, primarily--we must pray for them.

All in all, this is hugely convicting and very much a challenge. This is an area that I fail daily. My prayer now echoes the prayer of our friend the other day: Lord, forgive me for not praying for my children and just expecting that they would turn out fine. Help me pray for my children continually.